Well folks, it has been a crazy few weeks, but here is an update on my health focus!
Weighed in on day 43 and I have lost a total of 29 pounds. I lost 5 pounds last week!
I am hoping to keep up a 2 pound a week pace.
I am feeling better (except for the headaches) and have yet to include exorcize. Once I do, the weight will begin to come off even faster.
As for eating, I am still making solid choices and while I occasionally eat too much, I am doing better with that as well.
Ok, got to run..... catch you all later. Please feel free to bug me for updates if I don't post. If I struggle, i am worried I will try and stop blogging. That is why I started using my (used to be sports) blog for this purpose. Thanks to a ton of you for your support. It has been invaluable. I will try and be more detailed next entry.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Putting THE Father in Father's Day
Yesterday was Father's Day and had me thinking a lot about a lot of things. As many of you might know, Lori's Grandpa Farrell has been in declining health. He was put on hospice and then had to be moved to a nursing home as it was expected to be his final days. This weekend was a crazy one as we were in and out of the nursing home, celebrated Alex's Birthday, and also father's day. It was a true emotional roller coaster.
God was again there doing what he does best. Multi-tasking! He had a plan and it was good! I wont be able to relay all the amazing details of how He awesome his plan was, but I will tell you a few awesome things He did:
God was again there doing what he does best. Multi-tasking! He had a plan and it was good! I wont be able to relay all the amazing details of how He awesome his plan was, but I will tell you a few awesome things He did:
- Alex did not want Grandpa to die on his birthday. He may only be 7 but he is really sensitive and we were so thankful that God chose to honor Alex's request. Alex had a decent birthday overall, thanks to a party last week that went so well! So, happy birthday little man!!! You are the pepper of my life. With you, everything is going to be interesting.
- While I thought it would be appropriate for Grandpa to die on Father's Day, as there is no greater gift than getting to be home with Jesus, it was not the wish of his youngest child. She didn't want it and I am very glad, yet again, that God chose to honor the request.
- My kids got a chance to see him and we got a chance to make sure they understood what was going on. By being honest with them and upfront, I expect when we have to tell them he has passed, it will be much easier.
- I am generally a very self-centered person when it comes to things like Father's day. This father's day was not very much about me. This was His message to me. It can't be about ME.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Saying goodbye
Sometimes God has single messages to tell me and sometimes he goes with a series of messages. Recently, I have been faced with a series of messages on goodbyes. Some have been happy, some sad, and some mixed emotions. Either way, God is trying to teach me a lot about being able to say goodbye. See, for me goodbyes meant new beginnings and new beginnings meant change and change meant trepidation. However, God is trying to help me learn not to get that far. He wants me to able to have joy in change as well as joy in status quo. Goodbyes come in so many forms and we all have to say goodbye much more often than we realize.
Recently, if you remember, I had to say goodbye to my old eating habits. I have had to say goodbye to cookies, cakes, and just about anything with sugar. My doctors told me I was either pre-diabetic or diabetic and that I needed to do something right away. So, bye bye sugars and hello better eating habits. This was a tougher goodbye than I thought. I didn't realize how much poor eating was part of my lifestyle and how much comfort I found in food. God has helped me though and I have lost 22.5 lbs and although I have more work and changes to make.... I feel like I have said goodbye the right way.
Meanwhile, our family has had to prepare to say goodbye to Lori's grandfather. While we are unsure how long it will be, we are having to prepare for it. My kids are at a tough age in that they understand death enough to be sad but they aren't old enough to have experience in dealing with it. Ryan seems to be handling it well, Katie may not fully understand, but we had to talk with Alex last night as he was the one who got very emotional about it. I could go on for years about the psychology of children dealing with death, but I am really wanting to focus more on being introspective here. I have found myself having a hard time with this goodbye. Grandpa is Lori's grandfather and I always consider my in-laws as my own family. The relationships are very different but emotionally, I care the same for them all. He is going to be missed by a lot of people including a wife, 3 children (and their spouses), 8 grandchildren (and the 7 spouses), and many great grandchildren (I AM too lazy to count). His illness and decline has been very tough for everyone involved. He has always been a strong independent man and watching his decline has been tough. Emotions have run high. I honestly didn't think saying goodbye to him would be so tough for me, but it is.
In other goodbyes, I have said goodbye to my mom in a much less permanent way. I dropped her off at the airport in Kansas City after a 20 day, or so, stay. This goodbye was easier for me because she is planning to return soon. I think it is obvious, but I will say it anyway.... the more permanent, the more emotional a goodbye is for me. We miss having Aiya visit us, but it wont be long before she returns:)
I said goodbye this month to the 2010-2011 NBA and NHL seasons. Both ended on a good note with the Bruins winning the Stanley Cup for the first time I can remember (I was only months old the last time) and the Heat losing. Congrats to all involved on the Mavericks and Bruins for your success.
In May I said goodbye to many students. This was tough for me as some of the students will not be returning. The thing I enjoy most about working in schools is seeing kids grow up. I look forward to see what is in store for these students. The ones who wont be back will be missed next year. I wish them all the best in the various things that await them in the future. While our school isn't perfect, I am excited to see the direction it is going to move. To me, it is still far and away the best education for my children. So, goodbye to 2010-2011 school year is also hello to 2011-2012 school year. Because I have difficulty with goodbyes, I am going to focus on the hello here and get excited for the new things on the horizon for my kids, our students, and His plan for it all! (Note: we are saying goodbye to some teachers as well, and I wish them ALL the best)
Today we spent some time saying goodbye to our next door neighbors. In the short time they have lived next door, they have become an important part of our lives because my kids have always had other kids to play with almost anytime they wanted. Even Lori and I have had the chance to spend a little time socializing with them. I wish them a safe trip to California and my intense prayers that they sell their house quickly to some more great neighbors with kids!!! Our neighbors are all really great right now, I just wish some of them would stick around!
Last week I said hello and goodbye to VBS. VBS is a ton of fun for me. I never had VBS when I was a kid, so I get to experience it as an adult where I can enjoy all the fun and really appreciate the learning aspect as well. Thank you so much to all those involved in VBS planning... they are AMAZING and I had a blast. Someone once told me VBS was geared towards the kids...... I'm not so sure! I am very sad though to say goodbye again. It is a very fun week!
I am hoping to say goodbye to the upswing in headaches. My Cluster Headaches have been worse the last few days and I hope they settle back down to the much more manageable pattern they had been in.
Well, it looks like I am having a hard time saying goodbye to this blog entry. I am very emotional these last few days for so many different reasons. Change is everywhere and, if you know me, it means a massive uneasiness...... USUALLY. Not this time folks, God is in control and He is going to help me get over it, grieve for the losses, and be joyfully ready for whatever is next!
Recently, if you remember, I had to say goodbye to my old eating habits. I have had to say goodbye to cookies, cakes, and just about anything with sugar. My doctors told me I was either pre-diabetic or diabetic and that I needed to do something right away. So, bye bye sugars and hello better eating habits. This was a tougher goodbye than I thought. I didn't realize how much poor eating was part of my lifestyle and how much comfort I found in food. God has helped me though and I have lost 22.5 lbs and although I have more work and changes to make.... I feel like I have said goodbye the right way.
Meanwhile, our family has had to prepare to say goodbye to Lori's grandfather. While we are unsure how long it will be, we are having to prepare for it. My kids are at a tough age in that they understand death enough to be sad but they aren't old enough to have experience in dealing with it. Ryan seems to be handling it well, Katie may not fully understand, but we had to talk with Alex last night as he was the one who got very emotional about it. I could go on for years about the psychology of children dealing with death, but I am really wanting to focus more on being introspective here. I have found myself having a hard time with this goodbye. Grandpa is Lori's grandfather and I always consider my in-laws as my own family. The relationships are very different but emotionally, I care the same for them all. He is going to be missed by a lot of people including a wife, 3 children (and their spouses), 8 grandchildren (and the 7 spouses), and many great grandchildren (I AM too lazy to count). His illness and decline has been very tough for everyone involved. He has always been a strong independent man and watching his decline has been tough. Emotions have run high. I honestly didn't think saying goodbye to him would be so tough for me, but it is.
In other goodbyes, I have said goodbye to my mom in a much less permanent way. I dropped her off at the airport in Kansas City after a 20 day, or so, stay. This goodbye was easier for me because she is planning to return soon. I think it is obvious, but I will say it anyway.... the more permanent, the more emotional a goodbye is for me. We miss having Aiya visit us, but it wont be long before she returns:)
I said goodbye this month to the 2010-2011 NBA and NHL seasons. Both ended on a good note with the Bruins winning the Stanley Cup for the first time I can remember (I was only months old the last time) and the Heat losing. Congrats to all involved on the Mavericks and Bruins for your success.
In May I said goodbye to many students. This was tough for me as some of the students will not be returning. The thing I enjoy most about working in schools is seeing kids grow up. I look forward to see what is in store for these students. The ones who wont be back will be missed next year. I wish them all the best in the various things that await them in the future. While our school isn't perfect, I am excited to see the direction it is going to move. To me, it is still far and away the best education for my children. So, goodbye to 2010-2011 school year is also hello to 2011-2012 school year. Because I have difficulty with goodbyes, I am going to focus on the hello here and get excited for the new things on the horizon for my kids, our students, and His plan for it all! (Note: we are saying goodbye to some teachers as well, and I wish them ALL the best)
Today we spent some time saying goodbye to our next door neighbors. In the short time they have lived next door, they have become an important part of our lives because my kids have always had other kids to play with almost anytime they wanted. Even Lori and I have had the chance to spend a little time socializing with them. I wish them a safe trip to California and my intense prayers that they sell their house quickly to some more great neighbors with kids!!! Our neighbors are all really great right now, I just wish some of them would stick around!
Last week I said hello and goodbye to VBS. VBS is a ton of fun for me. I never had VBS when I was a kid, so I get to experience it as an adult where I can enjoy all the fun and really appreciate the learning aspect as well. Thank you so much to all those involved in VBS planning... they are AMAZING and I had a blast. Someone once told me VBS was geared towards the kids...... I'm not so sure! I am very sad though to say goodbye again. It is a very fun week!
I am hoping to say goodbye to the upswing in headaches. My Cluster Headaches have been worse the last few days and I hope they settle back down to the much more manageable pattern they had been in.
Well, it looks like I am having a hard time saying goodbye to this blog entry. I am very emotional these last few days for so many different reasons. Change is everywhere and, if you know me, it means a massive uneasiness...... USUALLY. Not this time folks, God is in control and He is going to help me get over it, grieve for the losses, and be joyfully ready for whatever is next!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Random Fram Strikes
My weight is now down 22.5 lbs since I started. While the amount is smaller each week, I am learning and the eating the right foods has got easier. I will have to add exercise and more portion control if I wish to lose faster, but for now, i am pleased with my decisions and commitment to this.
The Bruins are in a game 7 for the third time and I fear they will finally lose tonight (predicting 4-1). Great season Bruins, you can do it, I just don't think you will. PLEASE prove me wrong!
My poor brother is in India and doesn't have a way to watch the game yet. Any ideas?
Thank You Dallas! I would have been sick to watch Miami win. You deserve it.
Note to LeBron. Fire your PR people and call me. I will help make you into what you want. Without me, you are looking like a less sympathetic Alex Rodriguez. I never thought that would be possible! Send me a message here, I promise I can help you restore your image and get you to the next level.
Note to ALL people, not just celebrities/politicians. I am not sure why people put things on text messages and social networking sites but here should be your litmus test: If you wouldn't put it on a billboard on the closest major highway, DO NOT POST IT ANYWHERE OR SEND IT ANYWHERE on the INTERNET! Think people!
Fianlly, remember to take the time to show others respect. Hold a door open, pick up a dropped item, or even let a person with a few items in front of you in line. Don't expect a thank you and don't expect getting it back.
The Bruins are in a game 7 for the third time and I fear they will finally lose tonight (predicting 4-1). Great season Bruins, you can do it, I just don't think you will. PLEASE prove me wrong!
My poor brother is in India and doesn't have a way to watch the game yet. Any ideas?
Thank You Dallas! I would have been sick to watch Miami win. You deserve it.
Note to LeBron. Fire your PR people and call me. I will help make you into what you want. Without me, you are looking like a less sympathetic Alex Rodriguez. I never thought that would be possible! Send me a message here, I promise I can help you restore your image and get you to the next level.
Note to ALL people, not just celebrities/politicians. I am not sure why people put things on text messages and social networking sites but here should be your litmus test: If you wouldn't put it on a billboard on the closest major highway, DO NOT POST IT ANYWHERE OR SEND IT ANYWHERE on the INTERNET! Think people!
Fianlly, remember to take the time to show others respect. Hold a door open, pick up a dropped item, or even let a person with a few items in front of you in line. Don't expect a thank you and don't expect getting it back.
Friday, June 10, 2011
A little Sports Post
As a die hard Boston sports fan, it is awesome to see a team of mine have a shot at a championship. The Bruins are is what amounts to a best 2 out of 3 series for the Stanley Cup. They are not the more talented team, they do not have home ice, and they do not have their 2nd leading scorer in the playoffs.... yet they DO have a shot. Good luck Bruins.
The NBA finals continues to remind me why Miami is a team not worth EVER rooting for. Lebron's acting, Miami's thug tactics, and the copious amounts of crying the Heat does is an embarrassment to the league. They have been the benefactors of significant injuries to Rondo, O'Neal (J), Allen, Rose, and Dirk while being very much the reason for many of them. Yet, before Game 5, they chose to act like a bunch of spoiled brats and mock a player on the other team. Sadly Wade has learned how to lower himself to LeBron's level instead of helping LeBron rise to a higher level of class. ESPN has the article (I will link it below) that talks about what they did. Honestly, I thought the antics or the Canucks and Bruins in the NHL finals was bad, but this behavior is horrible. If the thug tactics, faking fouls and winking, crying and celebrating because you won the conference SEMI-finals, and "The Decision" weren't enough to turn your stomach...... this article should push you over the edge. I hope Cleveland has an amazing off season and finds a way to win a Championship before WahBron..... that, my fiends, would be worth celebrating.
http://sports.espn.go.com/dallas/conversations/_/id/6648286/lebron-james-dwyane-wade-feign-illness-dirk-nowitzki-expense
The NBA finals continues to remind me why Miami is a team not worth EVER rooting for. Lebron's acting, Miami's thug tactics, and the copious amounts of crying the Heat does is an embarrassment to the league. They have been the benefactors of significant injuries to Rondo, O'Neal (J), Allen, Rose, and Dirk while being very much the reason for many of them. Yet, before Game 5, they chose to act like a bunch of spoiled brats and mock a player on the other team. Sadly Wade has learned how to lower himself to LeBron's level instead of helping LeBron rise to a higher level of class. ESPN has the article (I will link it below) that talks about what they did. Honestly, I thought the antics or the Canucks and Bruins in the NHL finals was bad, but this behavior is horrible. If the thug tactics, faking fouls and winking, crying and celebrating because you won the conference SEMI-finals, and "The Decision" weren't enough to turn your stomach...... this article should push you over the edge. I hope Cleveland has an amazing off season and finds a way to win a Championship before WahBron..... that, my fiends, would be worth celebrating.
http://sports.espn.go.com/dallas/conversations/_/id/6648286/lebron-james-dwyane-wade-feign-illness-dirk-nowitzki-expense
A blogless blog? Just temp!
| Things are crazy this week, haven't had the chance to blog. I will return later this week. |
Sunday, June 5, 2011
My (maybe skewed) Philosophy
So I had chose not to classify my current focus on health as a diet for fear that once I have a minor setback, that I will choose to call it a failure and walk away (a sad tendency of mine). However, I am beginning to question this decision as it assumes setbacks or failures and I want to focus on striving for perfection. So, I run into a common quandary:
1. Do I focus on striving for perfection, keeping failure and setbacks out of my mind and thus setting myself up for successes?
or
2. Do I prepare for setbacks/failures so that when they happen, I am prepared to bounce back?
Psychologically, this is a conundrum for me. I worry that preparing for failures set me up for failures. I worry that not preparing for failures will leave me ill-prepared when they come. Either way it leaves me in a less than ideal situation. I am well aware that I am imperfect and that I will not perfectly diet (for lack of a better single word). I am also aware that I am set up to succeed in the long run.
This issue came to light from a conversation my son relayed to me. Ryan and his teammate Eddie had a conversation Thursday night in the dugout. Eddie told my son that (these are Ryan's words exactly) "if you say something like I stink at baseball, your brain will go along with it and make it happen". Now, it is interesting to hear 2 elementary school kids discuss the concept of self-fulfilling prophesy but the more important aspect was the impact it had in me this week. The fact that Eddie was trying to keep Ryan in a positive frame of mind as Ryan was struggling to hit the machine pitched baseball brought this concept to the fore-front of my mind. Is it better to prepare Ryan for failure so he wont get discouraged or to have him focus on the end result so his mind wont "make it happen". In answering this about Ryan, maybe it will help me with my own dilemma.
So, I asked myself that same question in my current focus towards better health. The answer might be different for different people but for now I chose to focus on preparing myself for setbacks/failures. Every time I have dieted (seems like I am getting comfortable with that word now) it has got derailed with a failure and never got back on track. So while I am apt to suffer setbacks/failures, I hope I am set up better for long term success by being prepared for what has hurt me in the past.
Currently, I am struggling with appetite and portion control. I am very happy with my food choices overall but my portion control and frequency of eating needs to get better. With that said, I did tell myself to focus early on food choices, then add exercise, and finally pick a program (calorie, carbs, points,.....) and go with it. Adding little by little until I am dieting (yes, I have decided that this lifestyle change must start with better choices, move to a diet, and finally go back to the long term lifestyle change).
So overall, despite the imperfection of my current diet, I feel I am still succeeding in where I want to be. Losing 18 lbs in the first 21 days is a good thing. I do worry this week will not be nearly as good but I do think my body is happy with my current food choices and thus I am succeeding in step 1 and getting close to step 2.
Today I faced two monumental challenges/tests to my willpower. They might not seem huge to you, but to me and my psyche they are huge. We went out to Nakato Japanese Steakhouse (my favorite restaurant). My favorite thing they serve is their fried rice. I usually eat my portion and part of my kids portion too. They also have outstanding noodles. So, needless to say, I was worried going in. So instead, I ate 3 small salads, shrimp, chicken, some steak, and extra veggies (onion, zucchini, and carrots). I traded a few shrimp for some steak but otherwise had a normal portion of the protein. So I replaced the rice, noodles, and 3+ servings of seafood sauce with 2 small salads, extra veggies, and 1 portion of sauce. Not perfect, but I didn't even take a bite of fried rice nor noodles. This was huge for me. Resisting favorite foods that are on my plate without even a little cheat helps me to solidify my resolve.
My second test was when I was making dessert for my family. I made a no bake oreo pie (pre-packaged). Usually I will lick the bowl and beaters and get a little on my hands which I also lick off. This time, I washed it off my hands and sent the bowl and beaters to the sink filled with warm soapy water leaving the remnants untouched. I could have easily taken a little taste for a few calorie treat but instead I claimed victory over it and told it I was not going to waste even a few calories.
See folks, while little cheats or small tastes are okay for many dieters, for me I need to succeed so bad that it is imperative I pass the little tests to help with the bigger ones. Tomorrow I hope to weigh in and while I expect 1 lb. or less weight loss, I am still very upbeat and ready to continue this journey. My goal is over 200 lbs lost total at the end. I hope to do it in 100 weeks or less. I figure at that rate and duration, I will be in a habit I can sustain forever. Also, it means when Ryan goes to middle school, he will have a dad in shape to keep up with him and his siblings. That means more than fried rice or a taste of pie to me.
1. Do I focus on striving for perfection, keeping failure and setbacks out of my mind and thus setting myself up for successes?
or
2. Do I prepare for setbacks/failures so that when they happen, I am prepared to bounce back?
Psychologically, this is a conundrum for me. I worry that preparing for failures set me up for failures. I worry that not preparing for failures will leave me ill-prepared when they come. Either way it leaves me in a less than ideal situation. I am well aware that I am imperfect and that I will not perfectly diet (for lack of a better single word). I am also aware that I am set up to succeed in the long run.
This issue came to light from a conversation my son relayed to me. Ryan and his teammate Eddie had a conversation Thursday night in the dugout. Eddie told my son that (these are Ryan's words exactly) "if you say something like I stink at baseball, your brain will go along with it and make it happen". Now, it is interesting to hear 2 elementary school kids discuss the concept of self-fulfilling prophesy but the more important aspect was the impact it had in me this week. The fact that Eddie was trying to keep Ryan in a positive frame of mind as Ryan was struggling to hit the machine pitched baseball brought this concept to the fore-front of my mind. Is it better to prepare Ryan for failure so he wont get discouraged or to have him focus on the end result so his mind wont "make it happen". In answering this about Ryan, maybe it will help me with my own dilemma.
So, I asked myself that same question in my current focus towards better health. The answer might be different for different people but for now I chose to focus on preparing myself for setbacks/failures. Every time I have dieted (seems like I am getting comfortable with that word now) it has got derailed with a failure and never got back on track. So while I am apt to suffer setbacks/failures, I hope I am set up better for long term success by being prepared for what has hurt me in the past.
Currently, I am struggling with appetite and portion control. I am very happy with my food choices overall but my portion control and frequency of eating needs to get better. With that said, I did tell myself to focus early on food choices, then add exercise, and finally pick a program (calorie, carbs, points,.....) and go with it. Adding little by little until I am dieting (yes, I have decided that this lifestyle change must start with better choices, move to a diet, and finally go back to the long term lifestyle change).
So overall, despite the imperfection of my current diet, I feel I am still succeeding in where I want to be. Losing 18 lbs in the first 21 days is a good thing. I do worry this week will not be nearly as good but I do think my body is happy with my current food choices and thus I am succeeding in step 1 and getting close to step 2.
Today I faced two monumental challenges/tests to my willpower. They might not seem huge to you, but to me and my psyche they are huge. We went out to Nakato Japanese Steakhouse (my favorite restaurant). My favorite thing they serve is their fried rice. I usually eat my portion and part of my kids portion too. They also have outstanding noodles. So, needless to say, I was worried going in. So instead, I ate 3 small salads, shrimp, chicken, some steak, and extra veggies (onion, zucchini, and carrots). I traded a few shrimp for some steak but otherwise had a normal portion of the protein. So I replaced the rice, noodles, and 3+ servings of seafood sauce with 2 small salads, extra veggies, and 1 portion of sauce. Not perfect, but I didn't even take a bite of fried rice nor noodles. This was huge for me. Resisting favorite foods that are on my plate without even a little cheat helps me to solidify my resolve.
My second test was when I was making dessert for my family. I made a no bake oreo pie (pre-packaged). Usually I will lick the bowl and beaters and get a little on my hands which I also lick off. This time, I washed it off my hands and sent the bowl and beaters to the sink filled with warm soapy water leaving the remnants untouched. I could have easily taken a little taste for a few calorie treat but instead I claimed victory over it and told it I was not going to waste even a few calories.
See folks, while little cheats or small tastes are okay for many dieters, for me I need to succeed so bad that it is imperative I pass the little tests to help with the bigger ones. Tomorrow I hope to weigh in and while I expect 1 lb. or less weight loss, I am still very upbeat and ready to continue this journey. My goal is over 200 lbs lost total at the end. I hope to do it in 100 weeks or less. I figure at that rate and duration, I will be in a habit I can sustain forever. Also, it means when Ryan goes to middle school, he will have a dad in shape to keep up with him and his siblings. That means more than fried rice or a taste of pie to me.
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