I have to admit that tackling my weight problem had been very daunting. The realization that I have got to this point is almost more difficult to deal with than the fact that I am where I am. Maybe 200 lbs overweight. I have always seen myself as overweight but never really seen myself for how overweight I have become. Today, I struggle with exactly how bad it is for me at this weight. I find the simple and important things to be nearly impossible. I cant tie my shoes, I can't sleep without a machine, and I either pulled a muscle or got a cramp trying to scratch my foot. Yeah, it is that embarrassingly bad. I am almost a week into trying to change my lifestyle, and I am hopeful yet still ashamed.
The other day I was told by my personal physician that I am pre-diabetic. I am dangerously close to being diabetic and thus I really have no more time to mess around. I am trying to learn about good food choices, for both weight loss and blood sugar. It isn't going to be fun at all, but I really have to do this. After all the frustrations and fear that came with this week, I still struggle with good food choices. So, in order to help myself remember why I am doing what I am doing, I am going to list some of the reasons I want to do this:
1. I dont want to die. I have 4 people who directly depend on me and a God who made me for a purpose.
2. I would like to be able to tie my shoes without strain. At my weight it is a very very tough thing to do and mighty embarrassing as well.
3. I want to fit into seats. Planes, sporting events, and heck just about any chair.
4. I am sick of the embarrassment of breaking things. In my life my weight has caused me to break a few chairs/seats and each time I am almost sick with embarrassment.
5. Hygiene. At my size, like tying a shoe, it is way harder to do.
6. I want to play soccer and softball again. I love them both and right now I just can't do it. I would even love to ref or coach either, but that isn't happening at this weight.
7. I have apnea and I would love to sleep without a machine to make sure I breathe ok.
8. Clothing. I want to have clothing last longer and fit better.
9. I don't want to be diabetic or pre-diabetic.
10. I teach my kids and students about making good choices and I want to be a good example of it.
I could go on and on, but for now this is my list. My long-term goal is ALL 10 of these. Thank you all so much who have expressed their support and also to those who are praying for me in this area. While I hate getting so personal, I think this is the best way to hold myself accountable.
Special thanks to a friend (who is also a doctor) for taking the time out at a recent family event to talk to me. I am truly blessed to have so many people supportive of me through this time, and you were a great reminder that God continues to put people in my life to help me when I am doing what He wants me to do.
Also, to all of you who have posted or talked to me with encouragement, I thank you all. For God has brought each of you into my life to be help to me in so many ways. As i have said many times, I am frustrated with myself but very hopeful as I move forward. That hope comes from God and is reinforced by the people he puts in my life.
For those who read my blog for sports and such. I do promise I will throw some in often. Don't give up on it, it will be here.