My (maybe skewed) Philosophy

So I had chose not to classify my current focus on health as a diet for fear that once I have a minor setback, that I will choose to call it a failure and walk away (a sad tendency of mine).  However, I am beginning to question this decision as it assumes setbacks or failures and I want to focus on striving for perfection.  So, I run into a common quandary:

1.  Do I focus on striving for perfection, keeping failure and setbacks out of my mind and thus setting myself up for successes?

or

2.  Do I prepare for setbacks/failures so that when they happen, I am prepared to bounce back?

Psychologically, this is a conundrum for me.  I worry that preparing for failures set me up for failures.  I worry that not preparing for failures will leave me ill-prepared when they come.  Either way it leaves me in a less than ideal situation.  I am well aware that I am imperfect and that I will not perfectly diet (for lack of a better single word).  I am also aware that I am set up to succeed in the long run. 

This issue came to light from a conversation my son relayed to me.  Ryan and his teammate Eddie had a conversation Thursday night in the dugout.  Eddie told my son that (these are Ryan's words exactly) "if you say something like I stink at baseball, your brain will go along with it and make it happen".  Now, it is interesting to hear 2 elementary school kids discuss the concept of self-fulfilling prophesy but the more important aspect was the impact it had in me this week.  The fact that Eddie was trying to keep Ryan in a positive frame of mind as Ryan was struggling to hit the machine pitched baseball brought this concept to the fore-front of my mind.  Is it better to prepare Ryan for failure so he wont get discouraged or to have him focus on the end result so his mind wont "make it happen".   In answering this about Ryan, maybe it will help me with my own dilemma.

So, I asked myself that same question in my current focus towards better health.  The answer might be different for different people but for now I chose to focus on preparing myself for setbacks/failures.  Every time I have dieted (seems like I am getting comfortable with that word now) it has got derailed with a failure and never got back on track.  So while I am apt to suffer setbacks/failures, I hope I am set up better for long term success by being prepared for what has hurt me in the past.

Currently, I am struggling with appetite and portion control.  I am very happy with my food choices overall but my portion control and frequency of eating needs to get better.  With that said, I did tell myself to focus early on food choices, then add exercise, and finally pick a program (calorie, carbs, points,.....) and go with it.  Adding little by little until I am dieting (yes, I have decided that this lifestyle change must start with better choices, move to a diet, and finally go back to the long term lifestyle change). 

So overall, despite the imperfection of my current diet, I feel I am still succeeding in where I want to be.  Losing 18 lbs in the first 21 days is a good thing.  I do worry this week will not be nearly as good but I do think my body is happy with my current food choices and thus I am succeeding in step 1 and getting close to step 2.

Today I faced two monumental challenges/tests to my willpower.  They might not seem huge to you, but to me and my psyche they are huge.  We went out to Nakato Japanese Steakhouse (my favorite restaurant).  My favorite thing they serve is their fried rice.  I usually eat my portion and part of my kids portion too.  They also have outstanding noodles.  So, needless to say, I was worried going in.  So instead, I ate 3 small salads, shrimp, chicken, some steak, and extra veggies (onion, zucchini, and carrots).  I traded a few shrimp for some steak but otherwise had a normal portion of the protein.  So I replaced the rice, noodles, and 3+ servings of seafood sauce with 2 small salads, extra veggies, and 1 portion of sauce.  Not perfect, but I didn't even take a bite of fried rice nor noodles.  This was huge for me.  Resisting favorite foods that are on my plate without even a little cheat helps me to solidify my resolve.

My second test was when I was making dessert for my family.  I made a no bake oreo pie (pre-packaged).  Usually I will lick the bowl and beaters and get a little on my hands which I also lick off.  This time, I washed it off my hands and sent the bowl and beaters to the sink filled with warm soapy water leaving the remnants untouched.  I could have easily taken a little taste for a few calorie treat but instead I claimed victory over it and told it I was not going to waste even a few calories.

See folks, while little cheats or small tastes are okay for many dieters, for me I need to succeed so bad that it is imperative I pass the little tests to help with the bigger ones.  Tomorrow I hope to weigh in and while I expect 1 lb. or less weight loss, I am still very upbeat and ready to continue this journey.  My goal is over 200 lbs lost total at the end.  I hope to do it in 100 weeks or less.  I figure at that rate and duration, I will be in a habit I can sustain forever.  Also, it means when Ryan goes to middle school, he will have a dad in shape to keep up with him and his siblings.  That means more than fried rice or a taste of pie to me.